10 THINGS

10 things dudes should not do in a Stripclub - Part 1

So i've been a bartender in a Melbourne strip club for quite a long time now (sorry you had to find out like this, mum and dad, but i promise it's the safest place i've ever worked, security/management/other barstaff are my family, and it hasn't crossed my mind once to start dancing) and needless to say, i've seen a fair bit. Before i worked there, i wouldn't be lying if i said i looked down on strippers, but now i look down on the dudes that GO to the strippers. You idiots do some fair stupid stuff... Here is the first of a few lists of things you shouldn't do, but things that have definitely been done......

10. Do not, under any circumstance, order a vodka raspberry. You are not a sixteen year old girl.
9. Please don't high five each other for no apparent reason other than you are in a stripclub. Come on boys, that's not very G.
8. Don't try to smell the dancers. You know what i mean. It just isn't cool.
7. Don't try to make friends with security so you get in free next time/claim you know the owner/ask for your usual at the bar when you aren't a regular. You are pathetic and transparent. You are a certified peanut not a certified G.
6. Please don't urinate in the fire exit. Someone has to clean that up you know.
5. Don't be so drunk you take a dump in your pants when you're having a private dance. It stinks out the whole area for hours.
4. Don't bring a gun into the club, pull it out on a dancer, hide it in the piano when you're being searched, then wave it around as you leave the building... We don't even know if it was real but seriously, there's no need for that.
3. Don't throw up on yourself and then pass out lying down in the urinal. There's ALSO no need for that.
2. Don't try to pick up the bargirls. Just don't even bother. We are surrounded by idiots like you every time we work, and do you HONESTLY think if we were going to choose a man to date, it would be one who came into the STRIPCLUB we work in? I don't think so.
1. Don't be a totally creepy 40 year old man and tell the bartender that you regularly have sex with your 15 year old cousin, get banned for it, then get banned from the sister club for sticking your hand down your buttcrack in front of a dancer and licking your fingers. There was poo involved. I'm not even kidding people, this man exists.

TOTALLY AMAZE