TWO WORDS?

TWO WORDS by Kanye West



"So i live by two words: Fuck you, Pay me"

uhh... ummm.... sorry kanye.... i don't..... i mean......isn't that FOUR words?....

DAMN YOU!

www.damyouautocorrect.com is some of the funniest shit i have ever read.
i warn: trawling the site for hours is addictive...

THE END

And so it is here, the end of 2010. It has been a turbulent year, and i'm writing this post in san fransisco, in transit on my way to NEW YORK CITY. cheers to a massive 2011.
here are my favourite tracks from the year that was:


1. D Double E - Streetfighter
2. Ghetts - Grime Daily
3. Wiley - Came back home
4. 9 Milli Major ft Bossman Birdie - By my side
5. Marger - Drop
6. Kano ft Wiley and Aidonia - Get Wild
7. Doctor P - Sweetshop
8. The Moody Blues - White Satin (Zed's dead remix)
9. Nero - Innocence
10. Vybz Kartel ft Indu - Know bout Me
11. Sub Focus - Could this be real (Joker remix)
12. J Beatz ft Shizzle & Badness - Tarzan
13. Crazy Titch - Pussy
14. Chino - Must come back
15. Baby Blue - Paper Haters
16. Mz Bratt - Selecta

I know 16 is a weird number, but it's all i could think of....

listen to all these tracks. i implore you.

JESSIE J

2011 is going to be essex gyal Jessie J's year. i adore this acoustic version of 'do it like a dude':

SO CONFUSING

So Fraksha sent me a lovely lil B christmas pic



At which point i realised i hadn't listened to ANY lil B for aaaaaaaages. and this is what i found:



now, i have to admit i watched it a few times, but each time didn't clear anything up for me regarding what the fuck it is about.

BigUp Andy Milonakis:
"hoes on my peepee"

so dope.

HOW'D YA FEEL?

what's the bet SHE gives good dynamic inertia.

how'd you feel if you were her. or ANY of the women on this ad. honestly!

TEMPZ ON TWITTER

i have always had a passionate love for tempa t. if there was ANY grime artist i would get starstruck meeting it would be him. everything about him is FUCKING HILARIOUS.
so so so amazing. i hope he makes more of these.

"hype for her, innit"

WISHING

very very wishing i was in london for boxing day so's i could head to fabric.
sigh.

BIZREGALxF.LUXURY.B

after a good 6 years of not drawing, this image of good friend Ferris Bueller popped into my head, and i just had to get it on paper.

that was a few months ago now, and i haven't been able to stop drawing since.

FLUD

i loves me a man's watch. all about flud watches because they have really clean lines.
this flud tableturns watch in gold floats my boat. big time.

IN LOVE

i am actually in love with roxxxan. seriously.

RAAAAAA

shit is crazy.

GAME OVER

don't usually get on my beyonce independant woman tip, and not a fan of many female mcs in any genre, but i dig this. (it's over tinchy stryder's 'game over' beat).

all about Roxxxan, Lioness, and Mz Bratt.... but lady leshurr goes in hardest.

Big up the femmes.

NEW FACES

Last was a pretty intense and random weekend for me...
For starters, i am homeless...... and have been for two months...... i stay with my family in the country (and that's where all my stuff is) a couple of nights a week, but as i work and play in melbourne, i am on couches the rest of the time... kind of fun, kind of shit. But when NYC is the light at the end of the tunnel i don't really give a fuck!

Went to the Clipse show at melbourne venue the Prince last thursday night, alongside sexpot friend Yumcha and producer genius MPhazes, and courtesy of all round (coolest dude i have ever met in my life) New York mane Ferris Bueller. The show was pretty hot, the crowd loved them, and Yumcha and i loved Pusha's crazy eyes.

Met a few new peeps at the show, and ended up spending the rest of the weekend with Kano and Bashy (UK) who were in town supporting Gorillaz. Now, i am a young lass who is quite into my uk music..... HOWEVER, i have to be honest and say that in the two - maybe 3 - years i have been listening to grime i have barely listened to either of these guys. I definitely heard a little bit of Kano's 2008 release '140 Grime Street' while i was living in London, and i had a few Bashy tracks on an old (and now deceased) mp3 player, but really, i didn't know what these guys were about.

After hanging out with them, i thought i should do a little more research into their music, and was pleasantly surprised on both counts. Here are my favourite tracks i've come across so far:



above track is from 2004, but let's be honest, it's ridiculous.



above is a 2009 release


Here are a few random things i learnt about these two while i was hanging out with them: Bashy is fucking hilarious, down to earth, doesn't drink alcohol, and can fly kick a man in the face. Kano is quietly enigmatic UNTIL he is drunk, when he is very loud and animated, doesn't eat cheese or like dogs (my two favourite things in the world - ouch!), and is happy to accommodate gypsy women.
Both are gentlemen, like pies, and wearing sockettes (so you can't see the any part of the sock out the top of the trainer). Good to know.


i ALSO hung out with Booty Brown of LEGENDARY california based group the Pharcyde a lil bit over the weekend. Now THAT was an honour and a half. Looking forward to linking with the man when i am in LA. Way too many Pharcyde tracks to put here.... debated for aaaages which to choose:



make sure you check out 'passin me by' 'drop' and 'she said' while you're at it.


Always good to meet new people, especially when they've got good souls and are not dickheads. They only have Sydney, Brisbane and NZ to go before the tour is over - get out and see them if you're anywhere nearby.

SWEET JESUS

Well, shit.
It's actually been MONTHS since i wrote anything.
I got a baby brother, had exams for uni and decided i was moving to New York at the end of the year... so it's been pretty hectic.

Will get back on it tomorrow.

RAPPERTAG

Aus Hiphop scallywag 360 came up with the awesome rappertag concept - using youtube as the medium. He passed it on to Urthboy, who passed it on to Brad Strut (Melbourne hiphop king or not, i met Brad Strut when i was 16 and a very big fan of Lyrical Commission and he was a total cunt to me), who passed it on to my turd of a flatmate Fraksha. Here's what he came up with:



love ya work Fraks.

Be interesting to see what Bias comes up with, and shouts to 360 for the idea - I'm curious to see how far this thing goes.

THE MOST AWESOME

Pretty much.

TELL YOUR MAMA

UK Grime artist JME's remix of RED's "I should tell ya mama on you" is LARGE. RED is a homeless beatboxing genius from LA, who The Fader described as sounding"like Ginuwine filtered through Roger Troutman and performed by a 90-year-old barbershop singer." This dude's story has only just begun. Youtube him.

On repeat.

BEATMINERZ RADIO

Tune into Ustream RIGHT NOW (@ BeatMinerz Radio)for some Crazy DJ Bazarro lovin.
Do it.
http://ustre.am/2bjA

HUWBA

The delectable Huw Joseph will be playing at Red Bennies (Chapel st) on Sat 25th Sept and Sun 26th Sept as part of the Melbourne Fringe Festival. Go see him. OR you could spend the $13 on 3/5 of a movie ticket to go and watch Step Up 3. But...you know.... that'd be shit. The Huw Joseph Experience won't be.....So, it's up to you really.

VAN DAAAAYUM!

WHAT A TINY TREAT

Well this looks like a pretty average photo of one side of my psychology tute room at melbourne university. standard chairs. standard table. pretty awesome view of my beautiful city.... wait a sec, is there something written on that bit of wall just under the window?... Surely no one would bother to graffiti inside a tute room at uni...



Yeah, yeah i think there IS something there...




-__-

JESUS

Jesus is technically Jewish, right? Jesus is son of god, right? Jesus is black, right? Jesus rocked around the middle east when he was alive, but is now EVERYWHERE, right?
WRONG!!!!!!!
Jesus is pink and is in my sister's pocket at Trentham Primary School.
Ain't nothin you can do about it.

TELL US WHAT YOU REAAALLY THINK

"lynch them in the back alley"
???????????????????????????????????

NO HATS, NO TRAINERS

TMNT 90S

Jesus, Mary and Joseph on a bicycle! (one of those family ones with 3 seats – JC can sit on the back and get away with not doing any pedaling) !!!

These shoes are out of control.

Ok, every female sneaker freak out there is going to hate me for saying this, but I am not actually a massive fans of girls in trainers. I would wear and own far far more than I do if I was a fan. Some girls can rock them and look both cool and sexy at the same time. I don’t fancy myself one of those girls.

HOWEVER, these Ninja Turtle Airmax 90s are next level. As a late 80s baby the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were my thing – I could be heard from age 4 to 12 shouting ‘Cowabunga’ all over the shop. And 90s are my favourite sexy trainer for boys OR girls to wear.

Oh man, I want these so freakin bad.

AM I NOW

CHINGY FT. TYRESE - PULLIN' ME BACK



"They tell me don't trust a woman in this industry,
But she not any woman, more like a sacred friend to me."

Ahhhhhh Chingy. Beautiful beautiful Chingy.
What a lucky woman she is to be your 'sacred friend'.
***shaking my head

My super spunky and uber cool friend Dom Tronic and I actually went to the Chingy ‘concert’ when he was in Melbourne a couple of months ago.
*note: we did not PAY for the tickets
The venue was on the emptier side of half full and there were a bunch of total specimens in the room.
We waited through two support acts for the Chingster: one young Islander dude with an acoustic guitar, who played a beautiful few original tracks – but not very chingalicious. The second support act – oh where to begin?! A seven piece local hiphop group who rapped in american accents, mimed some of the singing bits, had an overweight Asian dude who seemed to think he actually WAS Lil Jon interjecting random lines here and there, and a girl crumping on the corner of the stage for what appeared to be no reason at all.
After being told nearly ten times that Chingy would be coming on soon – a good 2 and a half hours after we arrived, we were finally told excitedly by the MC that Chingy was “IN THE BUILDING!” but would be at least another 15 minutes because he was eating kfc out the back with his entourage. Way to squash some stereotypes.
We left before the Chingster even came out on stage in favour of getting the last tram home and not wasting $12 each on a taxi.


Can someone please tell me what the HELL is up with this cat's ears?

NICE

taxed the following off (melb gyal living in london) kayta hackman's blog - musings of a madwoman. check her at http://kaytahackman.com/



cute vid.

SAY IT AIN'T SO

At least Wu legend Raekwon isn't doing a track with Justin Bieber and Kanye West.
Oh wait. He is.

LARGE

Flatmate only informed me of this official remix of Diddy's tune 'Hello, Good Morning' with Skepta this very morning. And now i can't stop listening to it. If Diddy's on Grime, there's something big going on.



I may be asking Skepta to marry me at some point in the near future. I'm sure he'll say no, but i gotta ask...



mmmmmmmmmmmmm......

SCREWFACE

Nawwwwwwwww! Someone's been watching mummy or daddy screwface haaaard when a heavy bassline drops! I'm definitely teaching my brand new baby brother how to do this.
Because i love him.

WELL, HAVE YOU?

TUNES

just a little slice of what i've been listening to of late.

I HATE DRUM N BASS

I love dubstep but i freaking loathe drum n bass.
There. I said it.

?

i'm really wondering what she's doing.... maybe she just needed a rest... *shrugs*

BIENG GAY, IS GAY

I saw this scribble in a toilet cubicle at university. unbelievable. i laughed so hard while sitting on the porcelain - and had to sheepishly wash my hands and rush out of the bathrooms due to the curious stares i got as i walked out of the cubicle. i mean, seriously? what was going through this person's head?
also notice someone took the time to draw a dinosaur. rad.

BY MY SIDE

9 Milli comes hard with this track - melodic chorus been stuck in my head all night. Bloodline is actually on something a wee bit special of late. yum.

WHO KNOWS ABOUT YAN YAN?

Super cool and yum biscuit/chocolate dip snack. Aside from the delicious fun-ness of yan yan, the messages written on the biscuit are out of control.
My personal faves from this batch? Squirrel - Your best friend, and Panda - Go for more!
love

BED

I spend all the time i possibly can in my bed. Here are five things i have found IN my bed in the last month:
1. a spoon
2. a half roll of toilet paper
3. a real estate agent's - one whom i have never met - business card
4. the warranty to a watch i purchased about 5 weeks ago
5. an allen key

SO THIS IS WHAT GUYS GET UP TO...

Ummmmm.......
I hope i don't get pregnant watching this, or maybe i hope i do..... i dunno...

Check relentless working the corner of the room @ 2min15secs, hysterical.

TELEFONE

Alex Steiner is one of a small handful of highschool friends i remain in contact with. I'm sure you can understand why.
Stingray, I've never told you this, but for about 8 years now you have been what i wanted to - and still want to - be when i grow up.
I loves you.

DID HE JUST SAY THAT?

"I'm serious as cancer
When i say
Rhythm is a dancer"

In 1992 band 'Snap' brought out the disco gem that is 'Rhythm is a dancer'.
Did he just say that?
Yeah. He did.

WHAT CAN YOU SAY?

There's nothing i can even write.

GIL SCOTT - HERON FT.MOS DEF - NEW YORK IS KILLING ME.*NEW 2010*

I saw Gil Scott-Heron live in Central Park about 2 weeks ago, and it was life changing. What a freaking legend. I can't even really describe what it meant to me, and how i felt, nor can i describe the vibe of the crowd... If you have time, check my favourite tune of his 'Winter in America' which was released in 1974. *sighs* love.

2010

My sentiments for 2010 exactly.

DUBTASTIC

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! heavy bassline. my kinda tune.

COOPERS FISH AND SEAFOOD

Ever since i was a little girl, i have been a freak magnet. Nutbars and Druggies have always been drawn to me. Whether it's the petite old lady in a pink nightdress and one pink slipper my dad found on the roof screaming "Belle! Belle!" when i was about 8, or in my day to day travels these days with fruitcakes just assuming friendship (which i don't mind, to be honest).
I was at a train station in BedStuy, Brooklyn at about half 11 pm one night last week when i made one of my new friends. A very short, very old (i'm tippin 65) black guy approached me. He had cornrows, no teeth, was on crutches, and one of his trouser legs was shorts and the other leg was pants. he mumbled some friendly and enthusiastic ramblings at me for a while about us meeting before (we hadn't) and and something about an autograph, before digging in his backpack and pulling out a book. he gave me the slip of paper i have photographed below before clicking his tongue at me, a toothless grin, and hobbling away. I guess that means i wont have to look for a job when i (hopefully) move to New York sometime next year. Brilliant.

OH I DO HEART CRAZIES

I was actually watching tv when this was on, and i remember half laughing out loud, half frowning in confusion. Once you get over the gloriousness of whatever the hell you just saw, it's not difficult to be pretty amazed that this story made it onto our current affairs program. Oh Australia. This is almost as good as the old man on the police show who described the assailant as being "skinny in the face, very tanned, and with long hair like Jesus".

AUSTRALIA, STAND UP

Sometimes i really hate Australia. We are a racist, sexist, homophobic nation.... incredibly ignorant, and 20 years behind the rest of the world. Our country is a white boys club: footy, beer and pies....
HOWEVER, sometimes i love Australia for all those very same qualities (ok maybe not racist and homophobic)... and this clip of a really endearingly enthusiastic and stupid footy rev up talk is a perfect example of one of those times. Proud to be Aussie.

BUM BANDITS

I saw this graffiti on one of those possum stopper bands around a tree when i was on my way to an exam a couple of weeks ago:



I don't know who you are, Bum Bandits, and i don't think i want to find out...

10 THINGS

10 things dudes should not do in a Stripclub - Part 1

So i've been a bartender in a Melbourne strip club for quite a long time now (sorry you had to find out like this, mum and dad, but i promise it's the safest place i've ever worked, security/management/other barstaff are my family, and it hasn't crossed my mind once to start dancing) and needless to say, i've seen a fair bit. Before i worked there, i wouldn't be lying if i said i looked down on strippers, but now i look down on the dudes that GO to the strippers. You idiots do some fair stupid stuff... Here is the first of a few lists of things you shouldn't do, but things that have definitely been done......

10. Do not, under any circumstance, order a vodka raspberry. You are not a sixteen year old girl.
9. Please don't high five each other for no apparent reason other than you are in a stripclub. Come on boys, that's not very G.
8. Don't try to smell the dancers. You know what i mean. It just isn't cool.
7. Don't try to make friends with security so you get in free next time/claim you know the owner/ask for your usual at the bar when you aren't a regular. You are pathetic and transparent. You are a certified peanut not a certified G.
6. Please don't urinate in the fire exit. Someone has to clean that up you know.
5. Don't be so drunk you take a dump in your pants when you're having a private dance. It stinks out the whole area for hours.
4. Don't bring a gun into the club, pull it out on a dancer, hide it in the piano when you're being searched, then wave it around as you leave the building... We don't even know if it was real but seriously, there's no need for that.
3. Don't throw up on yourself and then pass out lying down in the urinal. There's ALSO no need for that.
2. Don't try to pick up the bargirls. Just don't even bother. We are surrounded by idiots like you every time we work, and do you HONESTLY think if we were going to choose a man to date, it would be one who came into the STRIPCLUB we work in? I don't think so.
1. Don't be a totally creepy 40 year old man and tell the bartender that you regularly have sex with your 15 year old cousin, get banned for it, then get banned from the sister club for sticking your hand down your buttcrack in front of a dancer and licking your fingers. There was poo involved. I'm not even kidding people, this man exists.

TOTALLY AMAZE

WE PUNCHED IT IN THE DICK

"We punched it in the dick"

This is, apparently, a saying to express that you did something to the best of your ability.
I will HONESTLY be forever in debt to Murky Depths of australian grime crew Smash Brothers for bringing this saying into my life. So amazing.

Oh, and the rude word doesn't count because it's a quote.

PEEP SHOW

Quote of the day/week/lifetime is:
"This is fucking wicked. I'm almost definitely a musical genius. Maybe a tattoo... on my chest... but... of my face. Yeahh! Double me! Feel it!"
(Jez, Series 1, Episode 1)



Peep Show. Watch it.

PRETTY SURE 'LIPZ' IS ACTUALLY SPELT WITH AN 'S'

COLD FLAMEZ - LICK MY LIPZ



Ok, I have to confess i am secretly a little bit of a lover of the whole 'jerk' movement (except that most of the dudes in this genre of music are still teens...). But yeah, the whole skinny jeans and lots of tatts thing is working for me...... what is not working for me however, are the lyrics to the chorus of a particular song by group Cold Flamez. I'll see if you can guess what the song is called...

"When she walk by
And she swings her hips
Yeeah, i licks my lips
Yeeah i licks my lips
I licks my lips
Yeeah i licks my lips
I licks my lips
I licks my"

Well, I guess the poor lil fellas ran out of words.

YOUR FRIENDSHIP IS DEFINITELY NOT WORTH IT

I just received this facebook quote courtesy of Fraksha (It obviously wasn't HE who actually wrote it). And when i read it i did a little sicky burp in my mouth.

COURT ORDER!! You are accused of : Crawling into my HEART and hijacking my smiles with your FRIENDSHIP...........!!!!!!HOW DO YOU PLEAD?GUILTY!! You are sentenced to be my friend forever! NO BAIL!! Send thisto all of your friends including me! If you get 10 back, your friendshipis worth it

TEMPZ!

The charming and talented UK producer LOCO just sent me this image - i guess he knows of my total and utter love of Tempz. So Jokes.

ZING ZING ZOOM

So i have been jokingly made the Australian Bloodline Correspondent by the big man himself, so i thought i'd best give him some props. This is one of my favourite tracks off Street Crime UK and i love this video. it's actually one of the first Big H experiences i ever had (thankyou Oli) sometime last year, and i have been a big fan ever since. future husband files? yes much.

STILL WAVY

Who IS this donkey? Still wavy? Yeah course you are, mate. Course you are.

1234

So this is a pretty drunk Scott Hinds after a massive Wobble last year. If i remember rocleclec some eediot spilt vodka raspberry on me that night (what IS it with dudes and vodka raspberry???) so i demanded he went to the bar and purchase both Kitty and I a drink each as payback, and he was so waste he actually did it.... Anywho, this video is hilarious, couldn't have scripted the phone call from Fraksha any better. Check out LOFTBTV's youtube channel, some funny clips and rad music there for you to enjoy.

KATT WILLIAMS WEED REMIX

OK so i totally taxed this pretty clever remix of some Katt Williams standup from Big H's facebook page. Now there's a fella for the future husband files. Big H not Katt Williams i mean. I probably prefer his stuff when his dreads were only just as long as his ears, but i think anything he does is pretty amazing. Anyway, if you haven't watched Katt Williams' standup, make sure you do.

WHAT A COCK

I am personally a bit of a fan of graffiti as art, and i don't even mind tagging so long as it's not ruining someone's perfect white picket fence and it says something interesting or intelligent or funny.
There's really not actually that much graffiti on the grounds of Melbourne University, so when i saw this fabulous artwork on some unused doors of quite a beautiful old building, i just had to take a photo of it:



Really? REALLY? is that the best you could come up with?

MEAN MACHINE

INTERRUPTED FRIENDSHIP VIDEO

E-Le'git | MySpace Music Videos

(sigh). So i rediscovered this little gem today (it did the rounds early last year i think). amazing. i don't even know what to say. it's even BETTER than i remember it.

OPINIONS, EVERONE'S GOT ONE

A good (and very honest) friend messaged me in the middle of the night last night to tell me (among other things) that he liked my blog but he did think there were a couple of points where it seemed like i was trying too hard to be funny.
WELL, listen mate, i'm not trying too hard to be anything.
And by the way,
my Mum says i'm funny.
So there.

ANOTHER WEAK EFFORT

Having recently become a member of one of the most hated groups in this city - cyclists - i have imagined many an incident in which i end up in hospital, or at least, narrowly escape such an event.
i have never really hurt myself very badly at any point in my life, the worst incident was probably slicing the whole bottom of my palm open quite deeply - many stitches needed - but alas, i did it on a roll of glad wrap so it was not a particularly exciting story to tell my friends.
my whole life i have been envious of those kids who would be away from school for a few days and return with a cast on their arm for everyone to write on, or even luckier in my eyes one on their leg. Broken bones, stitches, even getting braces was something i was envious of. (now that i'm thinking back, i DID get to wear a pirate-style eye patch for a while in year 11, which was pretty cool. However, it was because some kid in year 7 accidentally kicked a soccer ball into my face so again, not that great a story)...
Whilst i certainly haven't been HOPING i would end up in hospital as a result of riding a bike, i have definitely imagined a thousand glamorous scenarios which would be my inevitable first crash. you know, getting hit by a car pulling out of a side street (gently enough i don't hurt myself), riding over some sharp bump and flipping over the handle bars but landing on my feet like a ninja, pelting along the road and getting clipped by a tram that sends me flying along the ground in front of a moving truck, but army rolling out of harm's way Indiana Jones style. Maybe even saving a baby in the process.
But no, my first crash was to be nothing of the sort. My first crash (like my few other life injuries) was to be one of the most ridiculous, uncoordinated mishaps that even i could think of:
So there i was, flying along the road riding from uni to the pub (thursday is cider day for me and the girls in my spanish class) when SUDDENLY the handle bars dropped (and i tumbled forward) and me and the bike crumpled together and slid along the road for a metre or so (the rough gravel did its darndest to stop us going far). Knee smashed into the ground and the slide burnt a hole in my jeans and grazed my leg, wrist tangled in the handlebars and palm all scratched up from breaking my fall, backpack on top of my head and bike grease all over my ankles and shoes. in a split second i stood up and dragged the bike and the front wheel to the side of the road so i didn't top my fall by getting run over as well. yes, the bike and the front wheel.
In true to myself fashion, i had managed to crash my bike without even crashing it. i had hurt myself and made a complete fool of myself in front of an entire cafe full of people independent of any other moving, or even stationary, object.
Yes, my front wheel fell off. Completely detached itself from the bike while i was pelting at full speed.
Skills.

I LOVE WILL FERREL

If you haven't watched 'Eastbound and down', do.

PICK UP MY DOG FAM

Look, i don't care what anyone says about these boys or what they do, i love them. Having lived in England, one of the first things i noticed was that every male between the ages of 12 and 30 think they're a badman. Well maybe not every single male, but a large majority. everyone thinks they're hood, everyone thinks they're a big boy dealer, everyone thinks they're hard, and everyone thinks they're a sick mc. as a symbol of what's going on in the society, i think the badman epidemic is a little scary: it's a survival thing, and it's also a way for displaced young men to defend themselves, and to belong. However, on a superficial level- and you can watch many a grime youtube clip where one mc goes on a rant about how they're the baddest and they're going to shank this person and lord knows what else that person - i find it quite amusing. i love Shadrack and the Mandem because they take the living piss (i know i said i wouldn't swear in my posts, does 'piss' count?) out of this trend. i just wish young men would leave the naughtiness, the dealing and PARTICULARLY the mc-ing to those who actually know what they're doing.

TUNES

Music you should listen to if you like hiphop/grime and/or want to be a better person so your mum isn't embarrassed of you.

Fraksha - It's Just Bars


MPHAZES - Good Gracious


Scott Hinds - P.O.V. (couldn't find the cover pic)


Byron - Jack of None


Also, if you ever find yourself home alone on a Wednesday night, crying and wanking at the same time while listening to an audio track of the ocean's crashing waves, you should stop that and tune into 87.6fm or www.kissfm.com.au at 11.30pm to listen to the stunningly beautiful Cat Clarke (you would be surprised you can actually HEAR her beauty on the radio) and the hilarious - and equally beautiful - Huw Joseph on his show Midnight Shakedown. Tonight they are interviewing/hanging out with unfairly talented and all round ruler MPHAZES - pictured here between the two, looking a little like peewee herman...or something...

MERRY CHRISTMAS INDEED!

The following is a film written, directed, edited and produced by the very talented and slightly quirky Jonathon Gittus.



When i was in years 10 and 11, there was a small group of us at Castlemaine Sec who made films as a hobby every couple of months, one of which actually took five of us to a youth health and participation conference in Auckland,NZ, at the tender age of 16. Jono was the only one (to my knowledge) who really took this further, and 'A very merry christmas' is a product of his third year at RMIT. Everything about this short is right up my alley:weird, sad and darkly funny. Props to the big man Uncle Jonny himself, who is currently living in Japan. Crazy kid!

PEOPLE LIKE THIS EXIST?

So i recently came across a converstation between two people, two 'friends' of mine, on facebook, and i just couldn't believe my eyes. there's not even really anything i can say about this other than reading it makes me feel the same way i feel when i watch jersey shore: i just. find it. so. incredibly. impossibly. difficult to believe. that people like this are real.
each to their own i guess...

A: Juvederm Juvederm Juvedermmmm!!! oh im so nervous :p
B: if you have 1 ml in your lips it will look very fake hun. also depends on the shape :
A: ooh awesome haha, yeh i love this pic of jenna jamesons lips:
facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/photo.php?pid=3429360&id=156334871448
i know that cant be achieved from just 1 ml but i love that pout look
B: yeh that would just be a ml. I've had one ml and believe me my lips were friggin huge
A: really? she also has lip liner outside her lips...ooohhhh...maybe ill only get a bit on the outside of my bottom lip and the rest in the top...cos the pout is usually when the top lip is same size/slightly bigger than bottom..
B: yep i get most in my top lip. i found 1ml too much for me but u might like it. just explain what look u want.
all u will need is lip gloss after u have had it done and u will have a total pout!
A: yay :) and lip liner on the outside will make them look bigger..but not yukky feral liner!
B: i wear lip liner on the outside and then blend it in with a gloss :)
A: ooh, what brand is good? ive never bought lip liner before, scared it'll look bad like pamela andersons..hers just looks bad in my opinion..
B: I've got a stila one and a Nars one. You can get them at Meccacosmetica. Pamela's make-up is scary full-stop. i hate the look where the lip liner is a diff colour to the gloss/lip stick. yuk
A: yeah, its alright if its light pink liner and clear gloss..but not when its red liner that stands out with clear or light lipgloss
B: yeh that's an ugly, slutty look
A: i usually try to copy jenna jamesons makeup..i think she's soo pretty and she has awesome makeup!

FOREVER HYPE

couldn't be two days into having a blog and not put a lil bit of tempz on here. this is one of the greatest tunes ever made, and is probably my anthem to 2009. it's just tempz all over: outrageous, ridiculous, hilarious without even trying or understanding why, loud, and all in all a total banger. what's with the nakey oiled up parts? i'm not complaining but..... well, it's Tempa T so i guess it needs no explanation, it just IS. no matter how many times i listen to this tune it always makes me want to jump around my bedroom like an idiot.
this idiot loves tempa t so much i've had a couple of t shirts made with quotes of his on them. a little bit of tempz never fails to make my day. enjoy.
'DRAPES! GET OUT THE CAR!!'

WORST PROPOSAL EVER

JAGGED EDGE - LET'S GET MARRIED



Dude: hey babe, how about you “meet me at the alter in your white dress? We ain’t getting no younger so we might aswell do it.”
Lady: erm, what is that? Is that a proposal? Errr, thanks but no thanks. Look, I’ve been sleeping with your brother for the last 2 months. I’m moving in with him.

Ok so Jagged Edge are fair legends, but i couldn't not point this out. Would also like to mention the reason i chose the above photo: i don't know if it's the angle the shot was taken or because their tops are so darn large, but it really looks like they are all getting around on tiny little legs. i amused myself greatly after seeing this picture imagining them running as fast as they could in a race against each other on their short little jagged edge legs.

OZ

Flatmate Fraksha recently got me addicted to – nay obsessed with – the HBO series ‘Oz’. I know it’s an oldie but we’ve been watching it religiously for the past couple of weeks now, and I feel to start a cult devoted to it I love it that much.

Unsurprisingly, the crush whore in me has had my eye on many a felon in the Oswald Correctional facility. Notable among my loves is my pedo crush on the obnoxious 17 year old Kenny Wangler, obscure crush on lunatic but deep down good guy Miguel Alvarez, and my creepy crush on rapist/murderer ‘Snake’.
The paddy blood in me trumps all other crushes though, with my devotion to Irish cheekster Ryan O’Reily conquering all.

I don’t know exactly what it is about this guy, but I seriously adore him. Sarcastic, cheeky, devoted, intelligent, selfish, sneaky, manipulative, funny, and kinda handsome, he seems to be a lot of things I look for in a man. Ok, well, maybe minus a couple of those qualities. Regardless of the fact he is completely fictional, I love him and he is going straight into the future husband files.



I highly recommend you watch Oz, people. In my opinion it’s not as intricate as the Wire, and probably not quite as good a quality show, but it is ludicrously entertaining and perhaps more addictive - even if it does have a few unnecessarily wacky and supernatural bits, and a little bit too much wang on show. I heard recently that Fraksha is a big fan of wang though, maybe that’s why he got into it again. OK I kid, I kid, but the show is sick. Watch it.

CRACK

just a follow up to my post re plumber's crack vs batty cleavage.

good crack:


bad crack:

ALF

legends 'Doodle Burger' have turned legend Alf Stewart from Home and Away into even more of a radballs legend. this clip - and the other alf x doodle burger clips - are doing the rounds at the moment. legendary.

I FEEL SICK

OMARION - I'M TRYNA



“Its like oohoohoohoohooh
I just can't get over you
Girl oohoohoohoohooh
Feel like I caught the flu”

Feel like I caught the flu? Wow, that’s romantic.

P.S. You're indoors pal, take your sunnies off.

ADAM'S HAT IS ON FIRE

yes this is my father.
yes he is wearing a sombrero.
yes it is on fire.
...all in a day's work for the dadam...

PLUMBER'S CRACK OR BATTY CLEAVAGE?

I was recently told by a male acquaintance that he found a little bit of bumcrack poking out the top of a pair of jeans rather sexy. Really sexy actually.
“Really?” was the only reply I could muster. “Reeeaaaaally?”

Something that has always been so distasteful in my eyes, something that signifies carelessness, classlessness, tackiness – and conjures images in my mind of fat, balding tradies who eat deep fried jam sandwiches for lunch and blow their nose on their sleeve – someone finds that sexy?

It got me thinking…
Everyone has different tastes, right? Asian girls with blonde hair, Black dudes wearing skulleys, skinny white androgynous boys. Some people like girls in trainers, some people like girls in heels. Some people like guys clean shaven, some people like guys with a little bit of facial hair, some people like guys with fully fledged beards. Whatever you can think of, there’s bound to be someone out there who is turned on by it. But I couldn’t help but wonder, was this friend of mine (who shall remain nameless – you know who you are) alone in his love for a little glimpse at what girls pack in the back of their jeans, or, is this something most dudes like but something that I, as a female, have never really been aware of?

I mean, I know that batty crease (that line where bum meets thigh) is a massive turn on for a lot of guys, but the actual crack itself? Does it perhaps depend on the amount of crack exposed? …Ranging from just that little bit of crack shadow to full on, ‘I could put a whole metcard in between your cheeks’ kinda crack?

I decided to ask around – work colleagues, friends, etc - and the response was varied. But there was a general consensus that any form of a ‘glimpse into the unknown’ was a good thing. However, most guys did say it really depends on whose crack it was that was exposed. Unlike breasticles – where it doesn’t really matter how pretty/hot a girl is, if she has a good rack it will no doubt be stared at/explored in a man’s mind – if a hottie is exposing a bit of bum it invites the viewer to imagine everything else under the clothes, whereas if said girl is erm, shall we say ‘undesireable’, it is far more unattractive than anything else.

I find this difference between boobs and bum interesting, as anyone who has watched The Office (UK version of course) knows, the very reason a man is attracted to a woman’s cleavage is because it reminds him of his Neanderthal days and ‘doing’ a woman from behind (this is very likely not quite fact but I dare not question David Brent’s knowledge). I guess this explains why more guys I asked said a little crack was a good thing, while only a few found it a turn off.

I returned to ask the first guy more about exactly why he likes ass cleavage and he gave me three reasons:
1. Seeing just that little bit extra skin,
2. The idea the girl is unaware she is flashing a little bit (creepy, no?), and
3. As a lover of a big behind, he loves the concept that a bum is just simply too big for the jeans it has been squeezed into.
… Wish I didn’t ask…

So, I guess I can kind of understand the sexiness now, and maybe when I next see some peroxided twenty-something with FaceOff jeans and a fake Louis bag on the Epping line, with just that little bit of crack action on display, well maybe I’ll think of her differently. But probably not. Either way, I’m still going to buy pants that fit me.

GUNS AND PORK

totally hearting SHADRACK and the Man Dem right about now. my favourite thing about this vid? definitely the rollerskates. check out some of their other videos - only rulers rock out under a doona while driving a car. Bendigo is definitely going into the future husband files.

FIRST POST

Well well well, here i am thinking i'm so important other people might want to read about what's going on in my head and world at the moment. Who am i kidding? i AM that important.
i hereby welcome myself to the world of the blog.